Who I Am

I'm turning 45 years old in 13 days.  I still wake up some days, wondering who I am and what my purpose is.  I like a challenge, and when fulfilling my purpose becomes routine, and things are running smoothly,  I tend to mistake the lack of resistance with complacency.   

That is a mistake though.  Maybe I've paid my dues.  Maybe I'm wise now and I have quit trying to do things the easy way, which a lot of times turns into the hard way. 

I realized on my ride two days ago, that we can't always be who we want to be.   I want to be a rock star bikepacker.  I know that I can't go multiple days with little to no sleep like a lot of other folks,  but I want to ride the long miles and do the long trips.  I have the equipment, the knowledge, and the desire, but I lack one important ingredient: time. 

So,  I have to remind myself to be content where I am,  to fill this spot in the universe that has been reserved just for me.  I have to quit wishing that I was somewhere doing what I want, and appreciate who I am, and who I have become. 

I love my life and I love what I am doing.  I will always have that adventure spirit that will distract me from the awesome things that are right in front of me.  I just have to ignore it sometimes and cherish the times that I am allowed to wander.