I have begun a run of self therapy. As with other barriers in my life I will be searching for answers until I find some sort of resolve.
I have started asking the wife to drop me off a couple of miles from home, on the Mountains to Sea Trail around sundown. I start walking, slowly allowing darkness to fall while I am still out in the woods.
Yesterday I was thinking about a recent post about negative thought patterns and how I was attempting to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. It took a while but it worked and I spend a whole lot less time thinking about that negativity in my life.
I wondered if this mind consuming negativity was the same so I decided to give it a try. Last night, on my walk home, I was rewarded with seeing a little mouse, the size of a quarter, and 3 deer.
I also discovered that if I focus on the immediate surroundings, about a 10 ft radius, I was able to handle the fear a lot better. When I started looking around, farther up the trail or into the woods, my imagination started to run, and stumps would turn into creeps. So, I spent my time limiting my gaze, and at the same time, focusing on the positive things that were happening.
What was I feeling? Excited to be seeing a different view of the world. Why was I out here? It is a privilege that I don't want to miss because I am sitting at home watching America Idol ( not that I watch that show....). And I continue to ask myself these questions, filling my head with positivity. Because one thing I have found is that negativity and positivity, cannot dwell together in the same place.
I've only been applying the exposure therapy for a couple of days now, but last night, I had a twinge of confirmation that this will be a successful process.
I'll keep trying.