Coping

I have begun a run of self therapy.   As with other barriers in my life  I will be searching for answers until I find some sort of resolve. 

I have started asking the wife to drop me off a couple of miles from home, on the Mountains to Sea Trail around sundown.  I start walking, slowly allowing darkness to fall while I am still out in the woods. 

Yesterday I was thinking about a recent post about negative thought patterns and how I was attempting to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.   It took a while but it worked and I spend  a whole lot less time thinking about that negativity in my life. 

I wondered if this mind consuming negativity was the same so I decided to give it a try.  Last night, on my walk home,  I was rewarded with seeing a little mouse, the size of a quarter, and 3 deer.  

I also discovered that if I focus on the immediate surroundings,  about a 10 ft radius,  I was able to handle the fear a lot better.  When I started looking around, farther up the trail or into the woods, my imagination started to run, and stumps would turn into creeps.  So, I spent my time limiting my gaze, and at the same time, focusing on the positive things that were happening.

What was I feeling?  Excited to be seeing a different view of the world.  Why was I out here?  It is a privilege that I don't want to miss because I am sitting at home watching America Idol ( not that I watch that show....).  And I continue to ask myself these questions,   filling my head with positivity.  Because one thing I have found is that negativity and positivity, cannot dwell together in the same place.

I've only been applying the exposure therapy for a  couple of days now, but last night, I had a twinge of confirmation that this will be a successful process.

I'll keep trying.