Thursday, January 07, 2016
What if you think you are feeling bad, but are actually feeling good?
I have had a pretty challenging life so far, who didn't? I haven't met anyone who said childhood was a piece of cake. It is life, I suppose. And we deal with it. But what happens next?
I think I have managed to work through a lot of my challenges and have been able to provide a calmer, safer, more stable environment for the wife and kid. I hope so anyway. Feedback from friends tells me I'm doing a good job, and I have honest friends and a lot of solid friendships which I am thankful for.
So, after having dealt with challenges ( I'll always be working on being a better man) and having come to grips with things that have happened in the past, there is a gap left there. Not that I miss it, but when I get used to having something in my life, good or bad, when it is gone, there is a gap, an emptiness that needs to be filled.
Well, for a while now, I have struggled with what this gap actually is. I've been feeling like something was missing, but I have everything: wife, kid, dog, bikes, house, food friends, love etc. Was I sad, depressed? What was this emptiness I was feeling?
Why do I still feel empty?
Then I realized, what if that emptiness I feel is actually peace? What if the lack of stress and turmoil is this "empty" feeling. Kind of like without light the room is dark, but in a good way. What if that dark is something good? It is not a fireworks show, it is not angels singing, it is not a Vimeo movie of someone standing on a mountain top.
It is a stillness, a quiet relief, almost explainable......
Posted by Stephen at 8:59 AM