I rode Bent Creek last night. It felt good and wasn't so great all in one. Stress saps so much energy. It feels like I am carrying extra weight on the bike. I look around at the beauty, but it's clouded by my mind. I try to focus on the positive, I try to trust, but it doesn't feel like its working. I can't rely on my feelings, gotta keep my head up, keep moving forward.
Probably the most difficult thing about being unemployed is the feeling of worthlessness.
I'm used to doing something, contributing. To society, to my family, to my co-workers. But now, nothing. I'm here, wandering around in a cloud, feeling lost and helpless. Just waiting for that dream job to come along.
Actually, I'm not just waiting, I'm filling out applications, sending resumes, making phone calls. It's all a bit draining on the mental energy.
All of this on top of the rejection and not measuring up.
I wound around the trails considering my options. Recalculating my savings to figure out how much time I have before the money dries up. I feel a twinge of guilt that I am riding, but what else could I do? Sit at home waiting?
So, here we go again, Day 8 of unemployment....
Have a great day.