Thursday, March 17, 2011


A ride out the door on my single speed CX beast of a touring track bike.  After 30 minutes of pavement, I hit the dirt and road down to and  around the lake.  It was quiet, it was pretty, and my brain was working overtime. 

I've been dealing with some relationship issues (not with the wife, she is awesome, just for the record) for the past 8 months.  My intentions were good, and still are.  I simply tried to express my feelings, express how the other party was making me feel.  And I did just that.  But, for some reason, it was not received as intended.  Then things got quickly out of hand. 

Fast forward 8 months later, after lots of stress, pondering, and trying to figure out what to do.  In the past month or so, I came to the realization, that anger is not the driving emotion behind the intent.  And I am not angry now.   For me, in this situation, it is sadness that prevails.  Sad for broken relationships.  Sad that I tried to do what was right and things fell apart.  

Then as I was cruising through the woods,  I distinctly heard the voice in my head say: " This is not about them, this is about you.  Let it go".   To which I responded " WHAT? Let it GO?"  And the voice said " Yes, let it go!!".   

And so, I let it go.  I have learned a whole lot about myself and the positive things I am capable of doing.  And yes, the voice is correct,  this has been more about me than the others.   It is interesting sometimes what happens when I set out to help someone else, and I end up growing through the process. 

As I pedaled back towards home on the pavement,  I felt like the light at the end of the tunnel had grown brighter.   That I was going to be able to move past this circumstance and focus on what lies ahead.

It's a good day.

No comments: