Cycles

Not talking about bikes here,  talking about the bad,  the terrible, the wrong habits handed down from generation to generation.   We all have them, we just don't all admit that we have them.  Its just that we don't all admit that we have them.  I think deep down inside at some point in life,  everybody realizes that something is off,  something needs to change, but for whatever reason no change is made. 

Fear of change,  fear of failure, lack of knowledge about how to initiate that change.  So many reasons, valid reasons, that are used as excuses.  Invalid excuses. 

I think in my situation, I have been fortunate enough to be submersed in trainings dealing directly with parenting situations.  I was an asst house parent at a group home in Chattanooga right after graduation college.  This was a last stop, last chance to get it right before going to jail group home for teens.  I was teaching parenting  skills classes to parents long before I had a kid.  I spent a lot of time in the child mental health field,  studying, learning and soaking up the information from peers and supervisors.

It took a while for me to look at myself, but when my kid was about 3 yrs old,  I had such a moment, when I realized that something was not right and I remember making a conscious effort to figure out what needed to change.  

I has taken a while, a lot of self examination, but one method that has helped a lot is comparing my actions and re-actions to those of friends around me.  I believe that growing up, we are all taught how to act/re-act.  Not always intentional teaching, but just habits we pick up from being around the people who influence us most as children. 

I had to outside influences to learn the proper way to act/re-act.  I had to "stray" from the teachings of my childhood, and learn how other people act/re-act to similar situations.  Then I had to retrain myself once I found what I felt like is a more proper and socially accepted response to those situations. 

It has been a difficult journey and I have lots of room for improvement, but it is totally worth the effort.