And then, last night I pulled the plug. The inner voice is telling me not to go, and no matter how much I argue with it, the answer is still no. That voice is difficult to argue with because it does not give me anything concrete to argue with. It simply says no, quietly and subtly. I allow my mind to wander to different aspects of the trip: weather, financial cost, possible danger, etc eliminating every tangible reason that I should not go. I then go back to square one and repeat the process until I am convinced that there is nothing left except for that still, small voice..... still saying no, don't go.
I have learned to listen to that voice, and less than 12 hrs before loading up, I pulled the plug on the trip. I'm not sure where that leaves me other than feeling somewhat sad, but very peaceful about the decision.
So, here I sit, watching the snow fall outside, steaming hot cup of coffee in hand, listening to fire crackling, and waiting for the family to wake up. I feel like a kid on Christmas day, knowing that today will be special. Maybe not out of the ordinary, but definitely special!
2 comments:
I've heard that little voice, too. I have learned to listen to it, as bad things have happened when I did not. Hard to do, but the right decision.
I know those voices well. I'll often look for any excuse not to go, or to bail once underway. These days I'm trying to ignore the voices. If you let fear or homesickness to get the better part of ambition you have missed the whole point of getting out on an adventure. We'll see how well I deal with the voices this summer!
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