I got home after dark last night. The kid was at basketball practice so I downed some Gatorade, pulled on tights, long sleeve shirt and wind jacket to head out the door. It was dark, around 6:30pm. The sun had dropped under the horizon leaving a black and stormy sky in it's wake. The temps were around 35 an dropping. I was hoping for the snowstorm that never came.
Up the road and into the woods, I ran. One footstep at a time. Confronting my fear one stride at a time. I wore a small headlamp and carried a larger commuter light in my hand. I alternated with turning the brighter light off and running with only headlamp.
I took stock of how I felt. Tired after a long weekend and a little on the hungry side. I found it more difficult to assuage my fears. Like shadows, they creep into my mind and attempt to cover the light, to haunt my thoughts.
I think about turning around. Frankly, I'd rather be sitting on the couch, nice and warm. But I carry on, knowing that if I quit, I take a step backwards. I force myself to think about the good things. The cold wind, the night sky, the leaves blowing..... that sounds like a footstep in the woods, why would someone be out here in the woods?.... and so on, back and forth, the battle of good vs bad, played out over and over in my head.
There is progress though. Last year at this time, I would have made the choice to stay at home. To give up before I even started. Definite progress and I look forward to re-framing my thoughts, getting out there and doing what I love, challenging myself!