Blackberry Winter

The Blackberries are blooming and a cold front moved in.  It happens every year and the old timers call it the blackberry winter.  We really should pay more attention to what is happening around us. 

My work ride yesterday was cold on the way in and chilly on the way home.  I got home just as the first rain drops started to hit the ground.  I tried not to think too much about stuff, sometimes I get too introspective....over-introspective and that can be a bad thing.  I start to think I know what other people might be thinking which is definitely a bad move. 

The problem is that I don't know what other people are thinking.  Actually, not really a problem, unless there is a problem and I don't know about it.  I can assume everything is fine and go on through life, or I can assume that they have a problem with me and wonder what I should be doing differently.   I err to the side of thinking that people have a problem with me and I probably tend to over correct to make sure I am doing things really well.  Then if I over-achieve, how could they have a problem with me, or what I am doing. 

I constantly put myself next to the self  made ruler to make sure I am measuring up.  This is good to an extent, but when taken too far,  one can go crazy from trying to measure up to everyone's standards. 

So, how does one find a balance?  I suppose simply trying my best, and with the knowledge that I am going to screw up, keep moving forward.   But, even then my focus is on screwing up.  Should I blind myself to the fact that I will let people down and act like nothing is wrong?

I'm not exactly sure, but I'll keep chewing on it.  There will always be a part of me that wants to measure up.  That wants the approval of peers.  Isn't that part of friendship? Isn't that part of what makes us want to spend time with certain people?  We find acceptance and approval?  Or is it that we find unconditional love?

Have a great day.