Saturday, July 17, 2010


I've been pretty open, blunt and vulnerable in my writings over the past month.  It has helped me unload and helped me move on from the abuse and a rotten past.  But, it is never that simple.  There is always collateral damage and issues that surface.   I'm about to be completely open and vulnerable about myself.  It is in an effort to find answers, to heal and to be a healthy human being. 

I'm afraid of the dark.   It is difficult for me to camp out in the woods alone, much less walk out to the corner of my backyard. 

Whenever I encounter a problem, I always ask why?  Why is this happening?  Why am I reacting this way?  And then I work towards a solution from there.

Looking back on my life, my first memory of being afraid of the dark was when I was 6 or 7 yrs old.  We had just moved from Monte Carlo, Monaco, France, to Longview, Texas.  We had a bathroom window with a Cedar tree outside.  For some reason, I was afraid that someone was sitting in that tree looking in on me.  Totally irrational.  But why?

Since then, I have had an irrational fear of the dark.  And I can't explain it.  I would like to.  I would like to be able to go out into the woods,  the forest that the Creator created for me to enjoy, without fear of the "boogie man".  But, I can't.  I still go, filled with fear, but I go.   I would go farther, longer and enjoy it more if I didn't have this fear.  But, it's there.  What to do.

My therapist agreed that it is possible that I did not get the nurturing that I needed when I was 7 yrs old.  I was never comforted and nurtured and those I trusted never helped me work through that fear. 

Have you faced the same thing?  If so, how did you deal with it , how did you cope?  

I have to figure this out. Have to move on....

Have a great day.

1 comment:

chumly said...

Big fear of the dark. Was a nightlight kid. One day I decided to go camping by myself. I went on a full moon night and it was ok survived the night. I also walked in a train tunnel with friends. That was not so pleasant. I got sick. Since then I have been ok. Do not seek out the dark but it has become friendlier since I have gotten older.