Thursday, November 01, 2012


Sometimes there is so much going on in my head that it is hard to figure out what is going on.   I attempt to compartmentalize, to sort, to deal with each issue.   Then I remember to focus not only on the bad, but attempt to focus more on the good, the positive, to think the good thoughts and act on those. 

But, in reality, it is difficult if not impossible to separate one thing from another, because each decision, each choice has resulted in another decision or choice, they are intertwined.  

One of the most difficult things for me is learning that, realizing that some things I was taught as a child are not accurate.  They don't line up with how things really are in life, how the world really turns,  how people really feel, act and react.   I realize that it was skewed view on life, a view that was created to protect self from dealing with the reality of life, from facing facts and confronting them to create a better world.   And that skewed viewed might have been started generations ago.

And f to learn that view and try to survive in reality, is difficult.  

I realize as time goes on that life is not about a path that is laid out in front of us.  Life gives us a series of choices and we create our own adventure, make our own bed to sleep in.

But what happens when we make all the right choices and things still fall apart?  Should I have chosen differently?  Taken a different path?  Who knows.   If I could answer that question, I could write a book and be  rich. ( I don't really want to be rich).

And so I continue on, attempting to learn more, to respect and not judge, to help and not hinder,  to contemplate and not criticize.   I think that in the end, life is going to hand you lemon,  we will get pushed down, dragged out and beat up.  I think that by persevering, we are taught to rely on others, that we cannot do this alone.  I hope that by persevering and believing, that there is something greater down the road for us. 

And so, there is hope, and there is life and I'm going to continue believing,  not always in what I was taught as a kid, but also in new things that I learn.  And I will continue getting knocked down, and then I'll get back up again, because I am not going to give up.  I am going to reach for the goal.  And at the end, I hope to hear the words "Well done".

Keep living, cause if you are not living, you are dying!

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