The Mop

If you ever wonder why I wear a hat all the time, this is why.  I hate my hair.  It is wavy, and poofy.  Especially in the humid south.  I could never get it to do what I wanted and anytime I went to the barber shop,  they cut it weird,  like opposite of what I wanted....every freaking time!

As a kid, I was never allowed to have long hair.  Like they were afraid that I would gain a Samson like strength if my hair grew long, fearing that if I had more power than them, I would rule them.... or something.

I did end up growing it out,  it was midway down my back at one point,  then I cut it and donated it to Locks of Love.  Probably not cool.  Some kid is wearing my bad hair.  I tried. 

So I started wearing a hat.  The only problem is, there is some weird superstition that wearing a hat indoors is disrespectful.   I don't know,  the mop on my head seems way more offensive than wearing a hat that tames said mop. 

And besides taming the mop, a hat is functional.  It keeps my head warm, keeps the sun out of my eyes,  looks classy ( you might disagree, that's fine,  it's my hat)  gives clothing critics like Kevin Hessler something to comment on, and makes everyone else jealous that I look so stunning ( again, you might disagree.  Again, that's fine).

So now you no longer have to wonder what is under that hat.  You no longer have to surmise that I am covering up horns or something of the sort.  You have seen and have been amazed and you can now appreciate the hat.