Frustration

It is frustrating trying to do something right, pouring everything into it, going over it with a fine tooth comb, checking it again, and it still comes out filled with mistakes.

Overwhelmingly frustrating. And then I tend to question myself, what I am capable of, if I am capable....of anything really. Does everything I touch turn to mud? Will I ever be successful at any one thing? Could I even mess up mud pies?

Frustration.

Other times I wonder if I am doing what I was meant to be doing. But then, what was I meant to be doing? You can speculate, you can advise, you can suggest, but when it comes down to it, it is my decision and I know what is best for my family. And even if you don't like it, and never approve, that's too bad, you might be missing out on something great.

I grew up, went to school, learned all kinds of things, graduated with a degree from college, landed in the "real" world. Then I realized that things were not exactly the way that they had been taught to me. That a lot of the teaching was only speculation and what they thought was right. But that lesson I learned the hard way. I got burned, a lot.

Then I question myself again. I didn't ask the right questions, I trusted the wrong people. So then what? I don't know.

What do I want to be when I grow up? What do I want to do? How do I want to contribute?

I struggle with that ( and a lot of other issues ) daily.

5 years ago we moved to Asheville. We moved here because we got burned after moving to Durango, CO for a job that fell through. We moved to Durango because we were not respected or cared for at our pre-Durango job.

Asheville was our second choice and when some folks who we were friends with let us move in to their finished basement, it became our first choice.

I got a job in child mental health and after 9 months moved to a company called Families Together Inc. The education I got during my 3 yrs there was amazing. I met all kinds of interesting people with all kinds of different beliefs and ideas. And I worked with for the most amazing management team. Through a series of positive events, it became obvious that it was time to move on. But where, I didn't know.

I believe in miracles. 3 days after we decided that my time was to end at FTI ( let me say again that it was a positive move, and I am still friends with everybody there), I had a job interview, and two weeks later I had got the job where I am now. Additionally, I had prayed for a job that I could: ride my bike to work, day-time hrs, have energy left at the end of the day so I could hang out with my family, and have weekends off so I could continue to spread" The Power of Bicycles" .

So, here I am. Where I believe that I am supposed to be. Learning new things, meeting new people, but more than that, learning about myself and hopefully becoming a better person.

And, in the end, I wonder if that is what it is about. Becoming a better person. It is so easy to focus on others and "help" them become better people, showing them what they are doing wrong, and how they can do it better, that we neglect ourselves, and don't listen to ourselves when the obvious thing to change.

So my challenge to myself and you is to be the better person. Do your best, and when you make mistakes, I hope you are surrounded by people who also make mistakes and are aware enough of this that they extend grace and help you carry on. And if that does not happen....let's chat because I know what it is like to make mistakes, I'll help you carry your burden.

As for me, now? I'm content. Frustrated but content. I have time and energy to spend with my family, I work with great people, I get to ride my bike and help people in Zambia. Can it get any better?

Have a great day.