Monday, June 25, 2018

The Buried Emotions

What is it about this island that stirs up so many emotions?  So many memories of my time on Bonaire? Same questions are still there.  Maybe there are answers, maybe not.  

I have to ask what the purpose is though?  Why do I feel the way I do?  I believe there is a greater purpose in my feelings that to simply make me feel good or satisfied.  That is too selfish.  

What do I have that I can give.  How can I contribute to a people who can stir up the buried emotions.  The buried emotions that when uncovered, lead to continued growth and healing.  

Maybe I need to just sit back and appreciate what is happening.  Appreciate that the emotions of the past are being released.  Appreciate the people of the island who are placed there and being used for my betterment.  They expect nothing in return.  They hardly know that they are helping me.  

Hopefully one day, I can repay the gesture.  Just real people being real, helping each other.  

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Ocracoke: Not Just an Island

 Ocracoke Island has found a special place in my heart.  We have been visiting for 3 years now and each year, something deep inside me is stirred up.  I'm not sure what it is, exactly, but I know that when I leave, I feel a deep sense of sorrow and loss.  The same feeling of sorrow and loss that I felt when I was moved from Bonaire to Charlotte, when I was 16 years old. ( I cried myself to sleep each night for about 6 months after the move).

What is it about a place that stirs up so many hidden emotions?  What is it about a place that I can go to once a year and feel at home? 
The locals, the ones who have family roots going back a hundred years are some of the friendliest people I have met.  I've made friends with a few of them.  They take the time to tell me their stories, their thoughts and wishes.   Good, hard working people. 
 I love the life that I have worked hard to make  here in the WNC mountains, but it seems that my roots lie on the coast.  It is something I can't change.  
 I got the opportunity to pitch in and help unload fresh fish at the local fish house.  I enjoyed that more than just standing around watching my friends work.   I can't stand to watch other people work.  I want to be useful. 
I'm having trouble putting my emotions into words, but deep down inside, I can't help but wonder about a connection with an island.  What does it mean, and what should I do with those feelings?