If Winning is Failing

If winning is failing, I don't want to win.  All of the time and effort I have put into training to be faster has paid off.  I am faster than 10 yrs ago when I started this endurance thing.  I have maintained a level of fun through the whole experience and learned a lot.  I have a made a lot of friends.  I have had a lot of successes and quite a few epic failures.  

And that brings me to my point.  I'm tired of failing.  Life consists of failing and that's fine,  stuff happens.  But if I convince myself that I can do something and consistently push past my limits with risk to life and limb,  there when be a time when things don't turn out so well.  And the fun is greatly diminished.  I'm not saying I'm never going to compete again, because I'm sure there will be a time. 

But for now, I'm going back to enjoying the ride.  

After the first 2 hrs of ORAMM, I was finally able to settle in to a rythym and enjoy the scenery.  Enjoy the ride.  It didn't even bother me that I don't have the skill to ride some of the tech and switchbacks on Heartbreak Ridge later in the day.  It didn't bother me that I had no idea where I was in the group. (the kid was convinced that I was in second or third in the ss cat!) 

I feel like I have finally turned a corner and proven to myself what I am capable of.  I feel like I've shown the kid what someone can accomplish with hard work and dedication.  I hope that ideal will stick with him through life.  I feel like I can go out and ride, epic or not, and simply enjoy being on the bike. 

I'm  looking forward to Monster CX and some bikepacking adventures that I have planned.  Its gonna be a good time! 

But for now, I'm going sailing!