P111K

"The PISGAH 111K is the ultimate cross-country-endurance mountain bike race. Racers follow a set 111 kilometer course on the finest trails and gravel roads Pisgah National Forest has to offer. The route includes over 11,000 feet of climbing along the way. This is a true mountain bike race with no map reading skills required, just follow the arrows."  Pisgah Productions

Sounds amazing, huh?

I've trained,  I could be more ready, but I think I'm ready.  Physically.  My mental state not so much.   I've hit the wall there and lack the confidence to go out and attempt this thing.  Is that a bad thing?  Possibly not.  

Do I want this bad enough to finish no matter what? No.
Am I going to give 100%?  Yes
Am I going to give 110%?  No,  because I've been there and done that and landed in the hurt locker,  having to call and rely on EMS to bring life back into my failing body.  
Do I want to be out on the bike in the rain for 12 hours? No
Do I want to be worn out for two weeks after? No
Do I want to ride my bike, turn where I want, stop where I want, when I want? Yes
Do I want to complete this beast? Yes
Will I regret if I don't try it this year?  Don't know,  I usually don't regret my decisions

And so goes the conversation in my head.  I'm just not 100% into it.  There is a chance I will line up and give it a go, and decide throughout the day if I'm into it and have the desire to ride through and finish, but there is equal chance that I won't.  

I guess I'll keep the mental dialogue going until I decide...... or not.