Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Complex Trauma

There was a period in my cycling life when I had hit a wall.   I was having trouble staying hydrated and keeping the fuel tank full.  I was having struggles with the long haul.  My body could only do so much with what I was putting into it.   I tried a lot of different things but nothing seemed to be helping.  

Then I realized I needed help. 

I found a nutritionist and a coach.  People who specialized in this area and could easily pinpoint what I was doing wrong, give a chance to hit the reset button, and start figuring out how to move forward.  I will never forget that pivotal moment in my cycling career.  I got better.  I rode stronger and longer and stayed healthy.  No more expensive ambulance rides!

I am now at a point in my life where I have hit a wall.  This time it is not cycling related, but emotional and mental, which definitely affects the physical.  

I have struggled with anxiety, more specifically separation anxiety for a long time.  This has derailed many fun trips and events that should have otherwise been relaxing.  I stress out so much in the prep phase that I get physically ill and it takes days to recover.   I'm not sure why, but the issue has crept in stronger and stronger in the last couple of years.  

Maybe its some sort of mid-life crisis. Maybe its this, or that,  I don't know.   What I do know is I needed to get things figured out and find ways to cope.  

Having spent my entire post college life in some sort of mental health work,  I know a lot about mental health issues and have been able to figure things out on my own.   I've done a lot of ground work to become a better person, father and husband.   But now, I ran into a wall and just couldn't get things figured out.  

So, I did something I have never done before.  Went to a counselor.  And wow!  After just 2 sessions, we are talking about Complex Trauma. I was referred to this video series by Tim Fletcher.

Very validating information.  He describes my experience and my feelings to a T.  I'm normal, my coping mechanisms are normal, I do need help developing better coping, there is hope!   

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