Fun Times

 Friday it was cold in the valley and snowing up on the ridges.  Windy too.  I thought I was overdressing, I wanted to, because I'm still recovering from death cold.  And I was going to ride slow, get some miles in the legs.  It turned out I was dressed perfectly and enjoyed the ride. 

 A steel road frame and fork with disc tabs came into my life.  I have been hoping for a gravel grinder for a while now.  I needed to replace the Siren John Henry that was a bit too small for me.   The bike was fun and took me a lot of places, but too small is too small. 

I can't wait to get this dialed and take some long trips on it....  I have plans!

 Sunday, I took the kid to Wolf Ridge to shred one more time.  It worked out well because we had Groupon lift tickets and it looks like this would be our last chance to dance!   We had a fun time carving the granular slush.  The kid has no idea what premium snow conditions look like, so as far as he was concerned, conditions were amazing.  I adopted his philosophy and boarded to my heart's content. 

 Sometimes I have little moments of panic, when I realize that I'm not quite the dad that I wish I could be.  I still deal with the demons and try to make the changes to teach the kid, to lead by example.  Sometimes, believe it or not, I'm a straight up jerk.  But, the difference is, I know I'm being a jerk now, and it usually hits me pretty hard.  At that point I have the choice to ignore it or do something about it,  make things right.  I have found that ignoring it only leaves a dark cloud hanging over my head and I gotta deal with it.  Hopefully the kid can see that I'm trying to deal with it and continue to break the cycle. 

And then there are times like this morning.  The pre dawn wake up call for school.  I'm content and the kid is on the couch giggling.  That's when I know I'm doing things right.  The kid wants to be around me,  he likes following in my footsteps,  he likes copying me and being my image.   

I was pushed away a lot as a kid.  Stood up by friends, told to "just leave me alone" or "go do it yourself".   I "learned" early on that people did not want me around.  And I in turn, started pushing people away,  rarely letting anyone close enough to really know me.   I would make people work and prove themselves to me before letting them in. Most of the time, they were never "good enough". 

That is something huge that has changed for me over the past 12 years after moving to Asheville.  I had formed a handful of lasting friendships before, (for some reason, those friends put up with my crap).  But since moving here, I have been accepted and loved by so many different sub cultures within our mountain community, that it has brought healing and change of perspective.   I don't have to prove myself,  even more important, others don't have to prove themselves to gain my friendship.  

We are all here, in the same boat, with a lot of similar baggage.  We are in this together.