Done Running

And just like that, I'm done.  Done running, done fighting, done got tired of all that.  Years of hoping for resolve, years of waiting, getting my hopes up,  just like when I was a kid.  Waiting, hoping, seeking approval.  Waiting for that pat on the back, for the "good job" compliment. 

I'm done spiraling into despair every year when the leaves fall from the trees, when the air turns cold.  The time of year when my birthday comes around,  traditional holidays that I used to look forward to. Holidays that I used to plan as my getaway from "real" life.  Holidays that are not like they used to be. 

A person can only run for so long.  And then things need to change.  And I am the one who needs to make that change. 

I have 4 yrs left until my kid turns 18.  I can spend that time, that energy lamenting the past and trying to figure out how to make it better, or I can spend that time and energy creating and building the best "past", the best memories, that I want the wife and kid to have. 

It is time to stop running and face the facts.  Time to be brutally honest and get on with living this amazing life.  I truly am living a dream of sorts.  The grass is always greener, but here I am, in a situation that I would not trade for anything ( well maybe if windsurfing was involved, I could strike a deal). 

It is time to admit that things did not turn out how I dreamed they would.  Things are different.  It is time to look at life from a different angle, appreciate what I have been given and break the cycle.

It is time to stop running... and start living!