Happy New Year

Oh boy, it has been a while.   It seems I don't take the time to blog that much anymore, but I'm ok with that for now.   My time and energy is being taken in a lot of directions an a person has to prioritize.  I also feel like while it was great to vent and get my story out,  I started to feel repetitive.

Another bike ride, another drama,  blah blah blah. 

But, I've also been feeling stuck.  I like to deal with issues, address them and move on.  I have trouble moving on if a problem has not been resolved.

Well, 2018 is the year that I move on.... or at least try.  I have a wife who I love and a kid who I adore, I need to teach them that it is ok to move on and leave some things unresolved.  I need to focus my time and energy on them,  building them up, rather than on things that are out of my control. 

Fact is, I've been feeling stuck.  Only I didn't realize that I was feeling that way, or why.  You see,  I love to ride, I love to drive, I love a spontaneous road trip.  It is how I cope.  When things get tough, stressful, out of control.  When depressive moods creep in,  I load the bike, windsurfer, hiking gear etc and head out.  Whether for a long weekend, or blow off classes for a day,  I would come home tired and content. 

I can't do that anymore and I just realized it over the last couple of months.  I mean, I have known that I can't do that for a while, but I didn't make the correlation until the last couple of months.  I didn't realize how much of a release that freedom gave me. 

Now I have to plan, way in advance. I have to check the wife's schedule, and I have to check the kid's schedule, and I have to correlate all of that with my schedule, and hopefully the weather cooperates a little bit.

Man, I miss those days.

How's a guy to cope now?  I guess I have to change,  I have to accept that a 1-2 hr ride every other day is all I get.  I have to be determined, and when a window of opportunity opens, I have to go then,  I can't wait until the perfect day, or the perfect temps, or whatever.  I have to take what is given to me. 

One day, I will have that freedom again.  When the kid is gone.  One day, I'll be sad, because the kid will be gone.  But today, I have the kid, and I'm going to invest my time and energy to prepare him for the best life he can have.