Monday, November 02, 2009


When I am faced with life's many decisions, I like to have the chance to chew on what I should do. What is the appropriate response? What will bring about change? How will it or could it affect those around me?

I play through the scenarios in my head...all of the scenarios that I can think of. I play them and replay them. I make changes and play them again. Looking at it from one angle then another.

What will benefit me? What will cause damage?

Which decision will benefit the greater good? The greater cause?

I rewind in slow-mo, then fast forward, soaking it in and letting it marinate in thought. I ponder. I wonder.

Sometimes this process takes minutes. Often times it takes years. At times a piece is missing, and I have to go back with a mental fine tooth comb and search. Other times I let it rest in the back of my mind. Periodically looking at it like an unfinished book collecting dust on the shelf. Knowing that I need to pick it up, open it and finish, at the same time knowing that now is not the time.

Only after I have gone through all the scenarios available to my wandering mind can I move on. And when the situation has passed, sometimes I move on without looking back. Sometimes I re-run the situation in my head. To watch it again. To see if I did everything I could to do the right thing.

And then I move on. I always move on, at some point. Sometimes this takes minutes, sometimes years, but I always move on. I don't have the energy to stay there. I move on.

Have a great day!


Chris said...

Wow. You reading my mind?

My name is Stephen said...