Fast Forward

 This week has flown by.  Memorial Day I spend with the kid.  I always know he had a great time because he won't stop talking from the time we are done with whatever activity, until bed time!   This was one of those times!  I think I'm going to name the boat "Zippy".  It is a little 12 foot fiberglass motor boat, but with the 20hp motor on it, that thing "zips" along.  We were the smallest craft on the lake too! 

 We started saving for new appliances last summer.  Just setting aside a little every paycheck.   I'm not sure why it took us so long to learn to save and plan ahead, maybe it is due to the fact that the wife and I both have steady income and we have some extra to save (so we can spend?)  It feels good to exercise the discipline though, and  save up $1000 to buy some nice appliances.  And the wife loves them!

Next on the list.... mini van. 

 Mid-Evil days are the topic in Social Studies, they were having a field day and we were invited to chaperone.  I dressed up as a castle. 

I'm averaging 1 ride per week now that my race season is over.  It feels good to get out, but I can't wait to get out more.  In a couple of weeks, I'll be riding every day, thanks to the Trips For Kids WNC ride program!  Can't wait to get some kids in the woods. 

 To finish off the week, we said goodbye to our pup, "Texas".  He was 15 years old and lived a full life.  He taught us how to be good dog people!  I definitely learned some things about myself and how I needed to improve, from working with him!  Letting go was hard, but I know that he is better off, and I got some good sleep.  He typically woke up to go outside a couple times each night.  I have not slept through the night in a very long time.   Ollie is the alpha dog now.  I'm looking forward to seeing him get more spunky without the grumpy ol' Tex barking at him every time he makes a move!

Life After DNF

 Got a gravel grind in out at Bent Creek.  Saw a little black bear,  about 100 lbs.  It was alone, but didn't want to snuggle.  Must have recently left momma to make a life for itself. 

 The views are amazing, and the weather perfect. 
This has been one of the best May that I have had in a while.  I backed off of two commitments that I have had in previous years,  opening up some free time (that I promptly filled with bike rides and family time!).   I feel so much more rested and energetic than in years past.  May is no longer my month of mayhem.  Relief.  I guess I'm learning my limits and working on my quality of life!

 I was thinking a little more about the P111K this year and what I learned from my time on the bike and my DNF.  The route has become less ominous and I realized that with a little more focused training and not screwing up my nutrition, that the finish is definitely attainable.  The past couple of year have been rough, as mentioned above, esp during the month of May. 

I actually felt good on the bike up until I started getting too hungry, around mile 45.  That's when I started going into deficit, and making that up is possible but difficult.   Gotta be preemptive with the food!

 My smoker skills are getting pretty good,  I cooked up some mean chicken breasts and some potatoe, corn and onion mix in tin foil, steamed in it's own juices with salt, pepper and butter....

Long Walk Home

 I dropped the mini van, nicknamed "Deathstart" off at our awesome mechanic and walked home.   The walk took about 2 hrs.   I had planned a bike ride for the morning workout, but this is such a pleasant walk mostly in the woods.  And I have made it somewhat of a tradition. 

 The MST meanders through the Swannanoa river valley and parallels my neighborhood, which makes it easy to get home without crossing any major roads. 

 I can only imagine how fun it will be once the greenway network is rolling!

 The mini van, which we have had for a looong time,  is a 2003 For Windstar with 122K miles on it.   It has been very reliable and for that we are grateful.  But,  over the winter, the transmission started shuddering when shifting.  On our trip to ATL, it got so bad that it seemed like the engine was trying to jump out from under the hood. 

I have been fortunate enough that I have never had an automobile loan.  The van was a gift from Rhonda's grandmother, who was losing her eyesight,  and the truck that I currently drive was a good deal from a family member. 

Before that,  the most I had ever paid for a vehicle was $1200 for a VW Vanagon.  (kicking myself for selling it,  they are going for $5000 and up these days).  My first car was a Buick Century mid sized station wagon,  I paid something like $600 for it. 

It seems that the right type of vehicle always comes into my life at the right time, with the right price tag.  We are patiently waiting and praying to see what the next step will be this time around. 

I'm also getting details on an auto loan.  A good mini van, with low miles and in great condition is gonna cost us some change.  We have been saving, but its gonna be a while.  Maybe we'll drive the Deathstar until it implodes.  That will give us more time to save and look around for that right deal. 

Nothing like a long walk home to clear the head and relax the soul!

P111K 2016

I signed up.  Finally.  Thursday night.  The weather forecast improved and I decided, "Why not go for it, and see what happens".  I know where and when to bail and if I can't make it,  I'll at least start.

That 5:30am alarm though,  its  a real downer.   I got up, got my stuff together and drove to the start just outside of Brevard.   As I was getting dressed and ready, I realized that I had forgotten my race sammies at home.  A quick text to the wife and plans were made to have them delivered to Yellow Gap.  (mistake #1)

Less than 100 of us started off, with partly cloudy skies and perfect temps.  Up 276, right on the gravel, then right on Clawhammer.  I maintained my pace well, and while my heart rate was slightly higher than I would have liked, I was enjoying the momentum and definitely not burying myself.  Although, when I caught the Simril Train, I wondered if I should back off.

The week before the race, I switched my gearing to 32x21,  from the 33x22 happy legs gear.  It felt good as the 33x22 had become too spinny over the past couple of rides.

Up and over Buckhorn Gap, down to the river, Squirrel and Cantrell Creek,  then finally up to rest stop #1 at Turkey Pen Trailhead.

The Motion Makers crew did an amazing job getting me rolling again,  I grabbed some pb n j and took off.

I was feeling good and walking some of the steeper stuff to conserve energy.  Bradley Creek Trail and Road went by pretty quickly and I arrived at Yellow Gap by 11:30am.  Not bad.  The Liberty guys at rest stop #2 were chipper but could not find my bag.  After what seemed like 5 minutes, I finally found it, on the tarp, 10 feet from where I laid my bike down. 

I had planned on eating a sandwich here, but with the stress of not finding my bag, I didn't think about grabbing what was available.  I figured that I would eat my Ally's Bar on the N Mills Loop and eat a sammie when I got back.  (mistake #3).

On the way down to the campground, I passed the wife and kid.  She offered me the sammie, but I refused because outside support outside of the rest stops are illegal......  (mistake #4)

I continued on, and started getting really hungry.  I ate gels and the Ally's Bar.  Still hungry.  I realized that the Ally's Bar, while good n tasty, does not have quite the calories that I needed.   I'm pretty sure that at this point in the ride, I started dipping into reserves that would be impossible to replace while still on the bike. 

I ground my way around N Mills River and finally back up to Yellow Gap.  I stopped to refill and finally ate a sammich.  I was feeling ok, and not worried about making it.  I took off.  But then I started to fade.  Loss of power, sleepy,  a couple of dizzy moments.  I stopped on the side of the trail for about 5 minutes.  I was at mile 51.  I was looking at another 4-5 hours of riding/hiking if things went well.  

I stood on the edge of that hole looking in.  I was hydrated so that was good.  I felt ok, except the dizziness kind of worried me.  I could keep going and keep eating and drinking,  trying not to go too deep into that hole.  I was pretty sure that my body was burning everything it had.  I could also keep going and drop off the edge of the hole and require rescue... hafway up Laurel, that could take a while. 

51 miles and still have the energy to get back to Yellow Gap.  Not bad.  7 ish hours in the woods on a beautiful day.  Still having fun.  Still feel good.  Still reaching my goal of being fit and feeling good.  I could press on.  I might finish.  I'm not going to go there today. 

Turning around was easy.  I was a little bummed at not finishing,  but I don't want to go down that hole right now,  so it was ok. 

I called the wife and she gladly came and rescued me.   She is awesome!

Back at the start finish, got cleaned up and had a burrito and a Coke.

I'm already planning on how to train better for next year!

If You Don't Start, You Can't Fail.....

Unless you failed already by not starting...

 

Pisgah Productions 

So,  I decided to give it a go.  I've trained for this,  more than any other event I've trained for in a while.  I feel like I have the endurance to get it done.  I would not mind having a little more speed, but.....

I'm lacking the self confidence.  It has been a tough week for the mountain bike community.  But we can't just give up.  We gotta keep on trying.  The funny thing is, most of my training rides have been solo.  When I think about riding this route solo, it makes it that much tougher on a mental level.  I saw some pics and post of the final riders finishing PMBAR, and realized that I won't be out there alone.  

And then of course,  what am I telling my kid, if I quit something because I can't/ it is unsafe to continue,  that is waay different than quitting by not starting. 

It really helps that the weather is looking just about perfect. 

I'm registered and....maybe ready!

P111K

"The PISGAH 111K is the ultimate cross-country-endurance mountain bike race. Racers follow a set 111 kilometer course on the finest trails and gravel roads Pisgah National Forest has to offer. The route includes over 11,000 feet of climbing along the way. This is a true mountain bike race with no map reading skills required, just follow the arrows."  Pisgah Productions

Sounds amazing, huh?

I've trained,  I could be more ready, but I think I'm ready.  Physically.  My mental state not so much.   I've hit the wall there and lack the confidence to go out and attempt this thing.  Is that a bad thing?  Possibly not.  

Do I want this bad enough to finish no matter what? No.
Am I going to give 100%?  Yes
Am I going to give 110%?  No,  because I've been there and done that and landed in the hurt locker,  having to call and rely on EMS to bring life back into my failing body.  
Do I want to be out on the bike in the rain for 12 hours? No
Do I want to be worn out for two weeks after? No
Do I want to ride my bike, turn where I want, stop where I want, when I want? Yes
Do I want to complete this beast? Yes
Will I regret if I don't try it this year?  Don't know,  I usually don't regret my decisions

And so goes the conversation in my head.  I'm just not 100% into it.  There is a chance I will line up and give it a go, and decide throughout the day if I'm into it and have the desire to ride through and finish, but there is equal chance that I won't.  

I guess I'll keep the mental dialogue going until I decide...... or not.

Windsurfing

Windsurfing,  it found me again.   I spent 6 yrs on a Caribbean island named Bonaire.  The island is a windsurfing paradise and has produced some of the top freestyle champions in the world.   I was no champion,  I was on old clapped out gear racing guys on the newest, lightest and best.  The life of a poor missionary kid I suppose.  I earned the respect of my peers and the race promoters though.  One race director told me that if I had modern equipment, I would do quite well. 

After a regatta one year, some Americans offered me a killer deal on a sweet windsurf package.  Board, sails and everything.  For reasons beyond my control, I could not take them up on that offer. 

Fast forward a couple of years and at 16yrs old in the 11th grade, I was plopped down in Charlotte.  This was late 80's, around 1988.  I found the International Board Sailing Club of Charlotte and joined.  I was able to purchase a windsurf package and get out to Lake Norman quite a bit. 

Then I went to college in Toccoa GA and there was nowhere close to sail, and the board and gear took up too much space in my dorm room.  I gave up and sold my gear.

20 yrs later, I got a killer deal on another complete windsurf rig.   I'm thrilled to be back into the sport. 

There is nothing like it, and I have tried a lot of different sports in the past 30 yrs.   When the wind is up,  hooking into the harness,  sliding into the footstraps,  leaning back on the sail...... the board planes and skips along the water at 25 mph.  

The wind in my hair, the sun in my eyes, the only thing that matters is that I'm flying,  free and unfettered.  Love it.

Home Sweet Home

 Spring is on the way in and I have been crossing some projects off of my list!  I've been getting the kid more involved in helping out too.   The above is a garden bench that I bought for the wife about 15 yrs ago, for our anniversary.  The kid and I rebuilt it and re-gave it to her for mother's day. 

 A couple of weeks ago, we also built some long promised raised beds,  these were supposed to be the wife's birthday present, but I promised they would be ready in time for outdoor plants, which is mother's day, so they got done.

Last Sunday, I spent 13 hrs painting our house.  Since adding on and the remodel project, the entire house has never been the same shade of green and there was some bare siding that had not yet been painted. 

 I spend my spare time over the last couple of weeks treating the wood trim,  most tedious job ever, and then finally started the light green paint on Sunday.  I was going to to it in sections, but I can paint like a mad man, and decided to push on through and get 'er done.  I missed hanging out with the wife and kid, but now I have more time to hang out with them.

 Next on the list after we save up a little more dough, is new front gate and replace the old falling apart privacy fencing.  

 Oh yeah,  below it a swing that I built and hung in the maple tree in our back yard.  The wife loves it!  I love it when she love it!

 

On top of all that, I still sometimes get out for a ride, and for that I am so thankful!

Stage 4 &5

 Friday, Stage 4 came.  It is a big stage but one of my favorite routes.   Sundra, who got on the podium yesterday, and I decided that Cam should get a chance up on the box, so we assumed a steady pace and Cam took off.  I was able to slowly reel him in all day but he got up the road and I didn't see him again until after the finish.  Congrats man, nice ride! 

Stage 5 is always bitter sweet.  I wanted to party pace, but I also wanted to get it over with.  I was so excited that I had trouble sleeping.  Everytime I woke up, I got a rush of adrenaline and the voice in my head kept saying "Go for it". 

After surviving the logistical pain in the butt shuttle to the start and standing in the gap freezing, we finally started, and I took off up the first climb, a long steep gravel road up to Farlow.  I was having fun and focusing. If I had been paying attention, I would have noticed that I passed my rabbit,  2nd place single speeder: Mike Montalbano.  But I didn't,  so I kept plodding along, thinking I was in no man's land again, between 2nd and 4th.   At the 2nd creek crossing on Farlow, I turned around and saw Mike.  Whoa. 

I put the hammer down and dropped him like..... something. 

I had the fastest rest stop ever,  rolled up, the girl had my bag ready, I asked for "one bottle please", and I was out of there faster than you read about it.

Spinning my way down Davidson River Trail I kept looking back but saw noone.   Through the gate and onto the long slow climb of death up to Bracken.  I kept the pedal to the metal. 

On the last little grunt, I turned and saw Mike charging up the hill.  He caught me in the exact same place that I caught Michael Cosgrove 2 yrs ago. 
Mike:" Man, I've been chasing you for a long time"
Me:" I know, I've been running from you for a long time!"

 He ripped down Bracken and I didn't see him until the pavement before the finish.  We rode through the finish together, and I climbed on the 2nd step for the day.  Thanks Mike.

 I stayed in the 3rd overall position and won the coolest hand made trophy I have ever seen.

Pisgah Stage Race #8 for me.  Each one has been different and taught me something new. 

Can't wait until next year.

Thanks Todd Branham and The Blue Ridge Adventures Crew for another great week in paradise.

Pisgah Stage Race 2016 Stage 3

 Long day in the woods,  4.5 hrs for 29 miles.   2nd place is so far ahead, and 4th place is close to an hour behind,  I wasn't motivated to be "racey" today.  So, I took it easy and enjoyed the scenery. 

It was a beautiful day, with temps climbing up into the 60's by the end.  The forest is waking up from winter slumber and green plant sprouts are popping up everywhere!  Such an amazing time to be out there.  

And then I started thinking about racing, and podiums and what is really important to me and those around me.  I thought about my kid, who often and selflessly passes up opportunities to score goals in an effort to assist teammates to score.  I thought about life, love and how grateful I am to be riding a bike.   I thought about all of the people who have worked with me and given me  a helping hand to get where I am today. 

I'm not going into the details of what happened next, but Sundra got the 3rd step of the daily podium for stage 3!   (I wish I had a pic...)

Live, Love, Give!

Pisgah Stage Race 2016 Day 2

No pics cause my camera is broken....   Awesome day in the woods, dry and cool conditions.   Got 3rd for the day and stay in 3rd overall in the Single Speed Category..... 

Pisgah Stage Race, Stage 1: The Miracle

The short story:

I pulled my mid/upper back muscles 1 week out from the race.  Tuesday, the day before I was feeling about 90% and re injured my back while working on my bike to get things ready.  The pain was so bad that I could barely get around and while laying on the couch, I decided to post on Facebook and ask for prayer.  Wednesday, I got to the start line, pain about a 5 on a scale of 1-10.  I felt ok on the bike and decided to just ride and enjoy the scenery. 

I believe in miracles!

Spring Break: ATL

 Spring break trip to Atlanta has come and gone.  The family wanted a taste of the city and they got it.  I would have rather gone other places, but they have been talking about the GA Aquarium and the Coke museum for years.   Thanks to some guidance from Eddie O, I booked a motel near Kennesaw, one that was less than 15 minutes from Rope Mill and Blankets Creek MTB trails!   I got to ride a little bit each day and that kept me from going totally bonkers. 

I can maneuver through a city just fine,  but I'd prefer not to.

 I was impressed with the kid,  we took his bike just in case, and he eagerly joined me on two separate rides.   One 4 miler and one 6 miler.  There is hope! 

 We did the hike up Stone Mountain. I used to run up this mound of solid rock.  I thought I was cool.  We walked today but it seemed easier/shorter than when I was in college.  Maybe I'm stronger/smarter now....maybe not.

 One highlight of the trip was meeting Roy Faulkner.  Roy was the guy who completed the relief carving on the side of Stone Mountain.  For history buffs (Mike Keeley)  click this link for a great article: Roy F Article

And of course,  a person does not go to ATL without going to The Varsity.  "What'll ya have"!!   After this I went and rode the trails for 1.5 hrs.... so its all good! 

Stage Race Looms

The Pisgah Stage Race is right around the corner and I'm hoping I'm going to find some confidence in my fitness there too.  

On my training ride today, I got off and walked a couple of climbs that I would normally have ridden.  I started thinking about my gear choice and realized that I am riding a stiffer gear than I was last year at this time.  That explains why I am so worked after each ride.  Combined with a couple of long races and inconsistent training......  and you get out what you put in, right? 

I don't regret the time spent with my family though.  It would be nice, just once to block of 6 months and do nothing but train,  I'd be interested to know what I could do.   I would probably not like it too much,  maybe a 2-3 month block? 

I like variety. 

That Weekend Tho

 That was a great weekend.  Nothing epic, just some ride time and family time. 

After the kid's soccer game on Saturday, I got in a quick ride before taking the family out on the sailboat.  The winds all but died when we got on the water, but we farted around for a bit before heading back to land for some Rocky's Hot Chicken Shack! 

 Spring is here in the mountains and it snowed Sunday night.  No school delays which is good. 

 I got out Sunday morning for a good mountain bike ride.   The Pisgah Stage Race
is in 3 weeks and I'm not ready!  Of course not, it is barely spring.   Due to sickness and other day to day excuses, I haven't spent the time on the bike that I had planned.  On the upside, this will be my 8th year and I'm pretty excited about that.

I'm thinking about adding a dropper post to my ride, but I'm having trouble finding one within my price range.  It's gotta be a 27.2 diameter too which limits my options.   I'd love to get the Thomson Dropper Post , but....  

Hopefully something will turn up, if not,  I'll still have  a blast! 

Green Gobbler 6hr Race

 I loaded up and headed down to Conyers, GA for the Green Gobbler 6hr race.  I made good time and got the the hotel with plenty of time to spare.  After getting checked in to the crappiest Quality Inn ever, I headed out to find a cup of coffee and then decided to get my hair cut too.  With the forecast temps to be up close to 80,  it was one attempt to keep from overheating.   This was going to be the hottest ride that I had done in a long time and I was concerned.

Before the haircut.

I found a Super Cuts and got my hair chopped,  except for a rat tail.... I've never had a rat tail and it was the first time for the hair stylist too.  I told her that this is about as wild as I get!  She said that it made her day. 

Rat Tail

 As we know, I don't tend to do well in the heat.  I had fleeting moments of regret.  I should have stayed home,  why did I register etc.  Not to mention that I had gotten the death cold too weeks ago and there was still some lingering fatigue.  Oh well,  nothing to do but get out there and see how my body responds.

After an interesting evening in  a crappy hotel with thin walls, I was able to get some sleep and then head out to the venue to get ready to race.  I found a premium spot that would be in the shade after about 11am and for the remainder of the day.   I set up my cooler filled with prepared bottles, lined up my nutrition and waited for the start time to finally creep around.  I found Carey Lowery and Zeke Lilly and we chatted for a bit,  getting some semi local knowledge of the course.

Most of the day blurs together but things turned out really well for me.

Lap 1:  Always hectic and hard to go my own pace.  I was a little above where I wanted to be, but not too much so I rolled with it.  It was my first time on the course so I tried to take it in and get a feel for the terrain.  The 8 ish mile trail snaked back and forth through the woods and into some open fields.  It was warm, but I knew that it was going to be hot later.  Two major climbs, that would involved walking in order to keep my heart rate from skyrocketing and my  core temp from exploding.   I was walking as fast as the geared riders around me.   I finished my bottle as I came through the finish line, stopped briefly to get a new bottle then headed back out.

Lap 2:  Traffic cleared up and I was able to ride my pace.  Steady, trying not to brake as much as possible and letting the bike rolled through the corners.  Only a few short techy sections and a lot of swoopy drops, two into creeks with a punchy climb up the other side.  I was having fun.  I had no idea where I was but I just rode.

Lap 3: It was starting to warm up,  I stayed steady and continued riding my pace.  A couple of geared riders latched onto my wheel and I upped the pace a hair.  I felt good and used the momentum.  After about 20 minutes, I slowed back down and felt the first affects of the heat.  Did I have 3 more laps in me after this?  Not sure.  I could definitely get 2 more in, but not sure about 3.   After crossing the finish line, I stopped to check the standings.  I was in 6th place.  Cool,  2 more laps and I would call it a day.

 Lap 4:  Keeping my pace steady and glad I only needed to do 1 more lap after this.  I got really bored on this lap and everything was hurting.  I started to put more focus on my form.  With the fatigue, I was getting lazy.  Working on my form help a bit, but I was still tired and motivation was running low. I was now drinking a bottle of Powerbar Performance drink mix and another bottle of Nuun per lap.  I was staying hydrated but barely.   I was eating regularly and my body was responding well to the heat.  I pushed through the doldrums and finished the lap.  A quick check of the results and I was now in 5th place.  I realized I might have to do 2 more laps. The lady from Smyrna at the car next to me was very encouraging. 

Lap 5:   Trying to do the math in my head, and figure out what would happen if I stopped doing laps after this.  Would I stay in 5th?  Top 5 was good enough.  I would be satisfied with my effort and feel good about the saddle time.  I spent the entire lap debating with myself about what would be best.  I also didn't want to over do it.    After finishing the lap,  I stopped to check the results.  I was now in 3rd place....

Lap 6:  I rolled out at and looked at my watch.  I glanced back and the guy in 4th place was still at his truck.  I knew that if I upped my pace, I would drive myself into the ground.  I wondered if I could complete a 7th lap.  I rode steady and forced myself to drink and eat.  At one spot where the trail doubles back I spotted 4th place.  I reminded myself that since he had not caught me in the past 5 hrs, that he was hurting as much or more than I was.  Pedal, form, relax, ride.   I monitored the time vs my energy level vs my body's reaction to the heat.  I was getting a headache and feeling a little light headed here and there.  I wanted to get another lap, but for the sake of my health, I knew that it would not be wise.  I stayed steady.  I rolled across the finish line right around 3:15pm, leaving me 45 minutes to finish one more lap.  I checked the results and was still in 3rd.  One more lap might get me into 2nd, if I finished by the 4pm cut-off.   After a minute or two of pondering, I pulled the plug.  4th place rolled in and pulled the plug too. 

I am pleasantly surprised with my finish and super happy with how I rode my race and handled the heat.  It has been a long road, learning about racing and I'm glad that things have finally come together and I'm able to get on the podium.  It feels good.  Hats off to all the fellow racers who suffered out there. 

Adventures are Imminent

 I got out for a spin on the single speed for the 1st time in 3 weeks.  I actually felt pretty good,  just stuck to the gravel and some easier trails.  Trying to decide if my 33x20 gearing is something I want to keep or if I should go back to 33x21.   I like the gear, but on the steep stuff, I just don't  have the power,  especially for something long like p111k.

 Spring is just around the corner.   I'm finally feeling better after the death cold.  It has taken a while to get my energy back, and then I have to work on some muscle memory, and with that comes the confidence that I can ride long again! 

Temps get into the 70's this week.  Adventures are imminent!

Fun Times

 Friday it was cold in the valley and snowing up on the ridges.  Windy too.  I thought I was overdressing, I wanted to, because I'm still recovering from death cold.  And I was going to ride slow, get some miles in the legs.  It turned out I was dressed perfectly and enjoyed the ride. 

 A steel road frame and fork with disc tabs came into my life.  I have been hoping for a gravel grinder for a while now.  I needed to replace the Siren John Henry that was a bit too small for me.   The bike was fun and took me a lot of places, but too small is too small. 

I can't wait to get this dialed and take some long trips on it....  I have plans!

 Sunday, I took the kid to Wolf Ridge to shred one more time.  It worked out well because we had Groupon lift tickets and it looks like this would be our last chance to dance!   We had a fun time carving the granular slush.  The kid has no idea what premium snow conditions look like, so as far as he was concerned, conditions were amazing.  I adopted his philosophy and boarded to my heart's content. 

 Sometimes I have little moments of panic, when I realize that I'm not quite the dad that I wish I could be.  I still deal with the demons and try to make the changes to teach the kid, to lead by example.  Sometimes, believe it or not, I'm a straight up jerk.  But, the difference is, I know I'm being a jerk now, and it usually hits me pretty hard.  At that point I have the choice to ignore it or do something about it,  make things right.  I have found that ignoring it only leaves a dark cloud hanging over my head and I gotta deal with it.  Hopefully the kid can see that I'm trying to deal with it and continue to break the cycle. 

And then there are times like this morning.  The pre dawn wake up call for school.  I'm content and the kid is on the couch giggling.  That's when I know I'm doing things right.  The kid wants to be around me,  he likes following in my footsteps,  he likes copying me and being my image.   

I was pushed away a lot as a kid.  Stood up by friends, told to "just leave me alone" or "go do it yourself".   I "learned" early on that people did not want me around.  And I in turn, started pushing people away,  rarely letting anyone close enough to really know me.   I would make people work and prove themselves to me before letting them in. Most of the time, they were never "good enough". 

That is something huge that has changed for me over the past 12 years after moving to Asheville.  I had formed a handful of lasting friendships before, (for some reason, those friends put up with my crap).  But since moving here, I have been accepted and loved by so many different sub cultures within our mountain community, that it has brought healing and change of perspective.   I don't have to prove myself,  even more important, others don't have to prove themselves to gain my friendship.  

We are all here, in the same boat, with a lot of similar baggage.  We are in this together.   

Finally Riding

 I finally got to ride outside.  Almost warm enough to get rid of the arm and knee warmers but the headwind and clouds on the way back in made it just chilly enough.  I felt better than I thought I would, considering I've been off the bike for most of the week. 

I kept my efforts low so I wouldn't bury myself again.   So nice to be outside again.   I'm not sure the best way to get back up to speed fitness wise, so I'm just going to get some miles under me and then work on my "speed" again.  

My goal for the year is "be fit and have fun".  That is working out great for me so far!   3 Hrs on the Ridge was fun.  It got me excited about exploring some new events this year.  

I almost signed up for Southern CX,  but with the late registration price combined with The Snake expenditures,  I couldn't swing it.  I think I'll go for it next year and skip The Snake.